Dating, Teenagers’ and Chaos (Part 4)

Summer of 1985, living with Aunt Kay; good times…

Originally, it was just supposed to be a summer gig; help Kay out with the kids so she could be freed up to do all this running around that her job required. And as a bonus, we went up north to Cook to see my grand folks every weekend. I adored my Grandma & Grandpa Miller. Words just can’t describe the love I felt for these two amazing people. That love taught me to have a profound respect for older folks and the knowledge and wisdom they had if you merely took the time to sit down, shut your trap and listen. I was proud to be a kid who understood the value of that type of respect. Tried to teach it to my boys but I’m not sure if I did well there or not. 😦

Anywho…back to the tale at hand…

Kay lived in Edina and worked for Cargill, Inc. I don’t know exactly what she did for Cargill, but apparently she worked directly for J. R. Cargill himself and made a pretty decent salary. J. R. would stop by the house at least twice a week for a ‘business meeting’ which always involved Kay’s bottle of Jack, the bottle of Jim Beam she kept on hand especially for J. R. and sometimes a bowl or two. I actually got to join in on a bowl once; kind of cool, but weird the very first time. After that, Kay was a bit more relaxed about smoking up with me which was really cool in my rather impressionable, 14-year-old book. Pretty smart tactic too, all things considered; at least I was with her while drinking and smoking rather than sneaking around where I could get into trouble. Of course, that happened too; I was a highly confused teenager. And I wasn’t entirely myself that summer, not that anyone figured that out for quite some time.

So Kay’s working hard for Cargill, I’m watching the munchkins and all is good in the world, for like two weeks. Then we are all up north visiting the grand folks, including my folks and my big brother Todd.  Shit is weird with me and my folks. But…hmmm

I hope you’re all willing to bear with me as I write this tale; it seems details once forgotten are starting to creep back into the recesses of my memory as I go. I know Kay had lived in Crystal for a time, but what I didn’t remember was that this is the summer she moved to Edina; I think. Swiss cheese memory really bites sometimes. Here’s the thing; at some point before my living with her, Kay met this feller Mike who lived up north on Vermillion Lake. Mike had 2 sons; Mike Jr. and David. Mike Jr. was in his 20’s I believe while David was my brother Todd’s age, which was 2 years older than me (Todd is 1 ½ years if you want to be technical). I’m surprised I had forgotten that. My aunt Kay was…different. Knowing the things I know now regarding the behaviors of individuals who have suffered childhood molestation, I can’t help wondering if Kay too, suffered this terrible fate. I remember watching pornos; Kay and Mike, Mikey (that’s what Mike Jr. went by), Dave, Todd and I. Afterwards, Dave, Todd and I got popsicles and kept making jokes about some of the terrible dialogue in the films. They were really raunchy! And I had a terrible crush on Dave that seemed to last a good year or so. But after Kay moved to Edina and I was living with her, the crush faded to more of adoration similar to what I felt for my big brother. But as far as Crystal, that’s all I remember. But there was an incident with Mike Sr. that I can’t remember clearly. I only remember that he was drunk, he and Kay talked with me about it because I felt uncomfortable about the whole thing, and it was chalked up to a misunderstanding. It is important to mention though, because it festered with Kay and led to a drunken freak out on her part later on in the story, which naturally led to a drunken freak out on my part. I’m thinking all of that must’ve been before summer, because I remember a great deal of adventure and chaos that occurred during the summer; including the night of drunken freak outs.

Actually, I’m straying so far from my purpose here, we need to jump ahead in order to get back on track…

Alrighty then, let’s get back to the summer where I at least remember things a little more clearly. I feel it may be somewhat important to mention that these are among the few memories I’m certain are accurate, but it is possible that I am mistaken. At any rate, my unrequited crush on Dave inspired the poem “Tears” ; 

.

Tears

 

The heart cries out

in pains of all choices,

the mind cries out

in angry voices.

The eyes cry out

in watery drops;

in any form,

the tears never stop.

 

The tears begin forming

down deep in the soul.

Then come the angry words

breaking ones whole.

They work their way up

and the liquid does slide.

The tears can’t be stopped,

they start from inside.

.

and alsoWhat Is Love?

.

What Is Love?

 

Shattered dreams with

broken hearts,

Love is but a fairytale.

Pick up your spirits for

in this form,

Love will never fail.

Copyright ©1985

.

But after Kay moved to Edina and I moved in with her, I met Kevin Brown and love sprung anew! I saw him skateboard past the front of the house heading to place two doors down, which turned out to be Brett Erickson’s house.

So being a little bit bolder as I ‘reinvented’ myself, I boldly went down to the house 2 doors down and rang the bell. This was the beginning of my new circle of friends and a summer of mischief and mayhem! It was great! My relationship with Kevin inspired the poems “My One And Only

.

My One And Only

 

I love him now as I loved

him then.

I’ll love him tomorrow, again

and again.

I’ll give him whatever he asketh

of me,

‘Cause he is my true love, my

one and only.

Copyright ©1985

.

and “Our Love Will Never Fail”; 

.

Our Love Will Never Fail

 

My love for you shall never cease,

but shall day after day, only increase.

You are my life, my entire world;

you give me the happiness that I live for.

 

Together we grow stronger each day,

Living as one to see what we may.

Our lives are lengthened the closer we are,

loving each other more, whether near or far.

 

If you only knew what your love means to me,

you make me feel so happy and free.

You make painful feelings instantly mend,

you always assure me our love will never end.

Copyright ©1985

which is funny considering it did. But it was still an awesome summer, mostly. I think I met them close to the end of summer though, maybe the last month? This was the summer my friend Karen went up North with me, I ran off in my stocking feet, the whole water tower thing-yeah, that’s right. The water tower incident was what finally opened everyone’s eyes to the fact that I was depressed and had issues, so my folks thought that if I was happier living with Kay, then I should live with Kay. Funny factoid: I was living with Kay when the water tower incident occurred…hmm.

Through Kevin and Brett I met Ben Grace who became a big brother figure to me-in my eyes at least. I later found out that he carried a hard-core torch for me that lasted many years. I also met Eric Miller, Eric Johnson, Billy Hunches (sp?), Becca Price, Lisa Berc, Dave Drear and a bunch of others who became my new friends in Edina and gave me an impressive illusion of an improved life. And let me tell you, this group could PARTY!! The guys were all a year older so when school started up again, they were in 10th grade while we girls were in 9th.

Bonsoir. Mon nom est Kiki (soi-disant français pour Kyla), et je me suis déplacé ici de Bloomington cet été. J’ai pris un semestre de la langue française, mais doivent le reprendre depuis le début en raison des différents programmes scolaires. Yay pour moi!

   I really liked my classes at Edina Jr. High School. One of my new besties, Kirsten Becker was in my French class; she was a year younger than I was, and about a head taller-and absolutely gorgeous!! We hit it off instantly and were inseparable until I moved away. Of course, her mom wasn’t exactly my biggest fan, but you know, whatever… wasn’t trying to be her friend. 🙂

It was in my English class during this time period that I wrote “Aimless Quest”, one of my first personal favorites.

.

Aimless Quest

The streets are dark
the night air cold
Can my destiny I reach,
or will tragedies me behold?

Swiftly moving steps are mine,
Making not a sound.
Try with all their might they can,
But nowhere shall I be found.

Remembrance of all the suffered pain,
More than could possibly be bared.
Away a forming tear does roll,
as I question who really cares.

I know not where my journey ends,
But someday shall it I find.
And happiness shall inside me fill,
as I receive my peace of mind.

Copyright ©1985

.

This time period also saw the breakup of Kevin and me which inspired “Inside Cry”;

.

Inside Cry

 

So much sadness

So much pain

my soul feels lost

my heart feels slain.

 

Complete confusion

it deepens each day

unfamiliar emotions

with my mind do play.

 

I ask for the council,

I need understand

for the shaking to cease

from the depths of my hands.

Copyright ©1985

.

and as my world around me crumbled, I found myself moving back home with my parents and Todd. I wasn’t myself after that, not for quite a while, and didn’t write anything new until we had moved to Eden Prairie where I began my Sophomore year.

But that is a tale for another time, so until then…

 

♥ ♥ ♥ ~ Kyla ~ ♥ ♥

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5 responses to “Dating, Teenagers’ and Chaos (Part 4)

  1. I like your poems. There is a sparseness, which I personally think is important. One of the worse problems with writing is overwriting. Too many beginning writers (which you are not), say too much and won’t edit AT ALL. Less is more. Your choice of descriptive words is good. I like Majikal the best. I think your journaling would come alive if you included the poems that you refer to in your writing. For a Swiss Cheese Memory (boy, I KNOW that feeling), I think you did fairly well, remembering. I like that your “love” poems are not maudlin, and overdone. Too many people get too dang SAPPY. You don’t. That’s great. I wanted to hear more in the •Asperger’s Does Not = Stupid! poem. I wanted to know exactly what this person, the abuser, said and did. However, maybe I should be left curious, wanting more, you know? I could give you another theory of Christmas, sometime. Finally, I would really like to see more of your journal WITH the poems in the journaling. That’s my wish, as a reader who appreciates what you do , and does understand WRITER’S BLOCK! 🙂

    • I thought about putting the poems directly into the stories; that is what I did in Part 1, but I was afraid it would make them too long and people wouldn’t want to read them. Do you really think the stories would present better with the poems themselves rather than the links?
      Thank you much for your kind words. One of the things I like about telling the story and going through the poems from the beginning is that it shows the growth and improvement in writing styles and depth of emotions put into the art. I would love to hear your theory of Christmas, and I too feel the Asperger’s poem may yet have more to tell. Wouldn’t be the first time I thought one was done only to ‘finish’ weeks, months or in some cases years later. 🙂

      • To tell the truth, I don’t know if the story would be better with the poems IN IT. I would like to SEE IT with the poems. I would want to read that! I would have to read it, before I could say it is better. Does it make sense? Let me try it again… reading the journal I WANTED to read the poems as well. I’m thinking on paper, book… I think I’m babbling! I’ll tell you my theories/knowledge of the Christmas stories, later… 🙂

      • Okay, I will.

        I took a walk, after I sent you my last response. I read your comment right after my class (I teach English.). I have a hard time being coherent, right after having to communicate HARD for two hours and a half! HA! When I walk, my thoughts get cleared. I remembered what I thought while I was reading your journal. I wondered (and wanted to see) if your poems would help “indicate” your evolution/your inner growth. Maybe they would. Okay, I’ll look for your Parts 1 & 2. I have a hard time getting online (bad computer) … but I WILL do it! 🙂

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