Crazy Is As Crazy Says…?

Today is a Dark Blue-Grey Day…

10.08.12 Yes, I will have some crackers and cheese to go with my whine, thank you. Townhouse if you please, they’re my favorite; and maybe some of that summer sausage too? 😉

Oh good heavens! Get a grip! Pull yourself together!!

10.09.12 yeah, and that’s as far as I got on that yesterday. Maybe that’s why I do most of my stuff at night; days just are not my friends! Yet, I am required to be conscious for a large portion of them whether the functionality aspect of my brain agrees or not. You would possibly laugh and most definitely be surprised at how many post possible’s I scrap after re-reading and (laughing my ass off) upon finding them so non-sensible due to my sleep-deprived state. Damn! Chitlins are bellering; guess I’ll try to finish this later…

10.10.12 Do you have any idea how difficult it is to look my teen in the eye…sure wish I could remember what I thought I was going to type. WTF!! I’m going to just babble about all the nonsense of my nothingness day in an attempt to knock down the obstacles that someone in my fractured fucked up head has thrown up to interfere with my writing again! AAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And are we feeling better now after that lovely display of maturity?

No, as a matter of fact, I don’t you sanctimonious wench! And you taunting me isn’t helping matters either! Why is the wall seemingly back up and blocking me again? I thought we ALL needed it down in order to manage the insanity? WTF?!!?

Oh, sweetie…you really are damaged, aren’t you? So intelligent, and yet dumb as a fucking rock!! You and Raynman were just talking about it the other night, thus the wall. YOU caused it to reappear ya moron! Haven’t ya figured it out yet? Avoidance!! We exist to protect you, and in some cases, to help ya stand up for yerself. You need to go back and re-read EVERYTHING you have written since knocking the wall down and figure out exactly what it is that you are avoiding. And ya need to do it quickly, before Renie finds the crack that will allow her out. You and I have worked hard on our issues, but ya keep avoiding hers. 20+ years is a long time for that kind of rage to fester. Ya know I’m right.

Yeah, I know. But Paul is dead, it’s not like we can confront him, or any of the others for that matter. What exactly does she think I can do to give her peace?

I don’t know. Maybe you should ask her, give her a voice the way ya have for me?

You and I have an understanding and I don’t have to worry about you trying to take over anymore. I can’t say the same about her. Not to mention her desire for violence; she doesn’t care who she hurts and I can’t put my children in that kind of danger just so that I can have a little extra peace of mind. Their safety ranks much higher in my book.

Well, you keep thinkin’ about it sugar, you’ll figure it out. Ya always do once ya know what you’re lookin’ for.

So much to think about, but my head is so full of noise and clutter I can’t really sort through any of it, I’m stuck! I wish I had some paint supplies and a blank canvas. I think that’s Renie’s outlet is the visual art over the written art. That’s probably why I seem to have a desired obsession for it even though it was never my strongest area. Although ‘part’ of me has always had a flair for the abstract and bizarrely unique.

10.11.12 Well, things are somewhat quieter in my ever-so noisy head today, which is naturally a double-edged sword type of deal for me. And yet, as I am continuously brought back to that last paragraph there from yesterday, I think I know one of the things I need to do; I need to grab my sketch pad, dust it off, track down my colored pencils and let’s just see what happens. What do you think?

So there I was, tearing my room apart in search of said sketch pad and pencils which I received around this time last year for my birthday, and the special charcoal pencils and eraser are missing!! (Good thing I have spell check on this, I appear to be quite dyslexic today!) Considering my eldest ‘acquired’ the second sketch pad, I have a feeling he might know the whereabouts of the missing items. Also, since I spent 2 hours looking for them, I only have to wait one more for him to get home. SO I’m going to post this for general entertainment at my insanity while I type up a few poems that are now floating around in my head, then I’m going to color for a little while and see what happens. Wish me luck! Hope your days are less chaotic than this post shows mine to be.

 ♥ ♥ ♥ ~ Kyla ~ ♥ ♥


4 responses to “Crazy Is As Crazy Says…?

  1. Wow, I have to say that I really enjoyed this post. Okay, yes, I was reveling in your insanity, but none the less I had a great time. Good luck with your sketching and poetry. I think this post was just the ramblings of a creative nothing at all to worry about. 🙂

  2. aloha Kyla – I’m not sure if this is an appropriate response or not. or if it will help or not.

    I like what you seem to be attempting.

    here is something I have discovered that helps me:

    I’ve learned it is better for me to create (particularly visual creating – but in other ways too) with what I find at hand (particularly if it appeals to me or intrigues or inspires me) than to spend time looking for what I do not have or cannot find.

    yeah. I think you are actually good at doing this too.

    this working with what I have now keeps me in now. in the now moment of now, rather than the moment I think will come at a future point when/if I find what I think I need or might be looking for…

    it also ensures that I spend my time creating (something I need daily doses of) rather than spending my time looking for the thing I dont have yet.

    that way too, if I am in this pattern of creating now, with what is at hand, when I do come across those things I think I want to create with, I’ll just start creating with them right then when I do come across them – much as I suspect you do with your words. you seem to write what comes to you in the moment you are in (a thing I believe is a good thing to do) rather than writing what you thought you had a while ago when you thought you had something to write yet did not have what you needed to have to write with…

    I hope I am making sense.

    good finding of the things you need as well. and when you find them, good on keeping them at hand too.

    my favorite way to create is fun. if it’s fun I always want to do that more. I like that too.

    fun on. and aloha too.

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