Depression

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As anyone who suffers the ever annoying hollowness can attest to, depression sucks the big one!! Hmm, what a weird phrase; what exactly do you suppose the ‘big one’ is? It can’t always be in reference to a penis, can it? Yeah, probably; bullets, rockets, most weapons of destruction are shaped like such so there must be a connection of some sort…

Anyway, I’ve been in this funk for several weeks now and just can’t seem to pull myself out of it. All of the ‘resources’ that I am usually able to call upon or turn to, (i.e. my poetry, my artwork, etc.) just aren’t working. In fact, I can’t seem to concentrate on anything for more than a couple of minutes. It’s taken about 6 hours just to type these two short paragraphs…

I feel utterly pathetic!! I’ve been dealing with depression for almost 30 years! Why is it still able to kick my ass like this?! Wouldn’t you think, after all this time, that I should know how to overcome this crap?! I take my meds like a good little zombie; I read my meditations and focus on all the positives in my life. So why won’t this overwhelming feeling of dread go away? Ha ha, I actually know the answer to that, or part of it at least; so many things in my life that need discussing but fear keeps locked inside. Even my poetry can’t release them…

Well hey; this is a start at least, huh? Baby steps are always a good place to start in my book. 😀

 

 ♥ ♥ ♥ ~ Kyla ~ ♥ ♥

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Courtesy of Google Images

Courtesy of Google Images

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14 responses to “Depression

      • you’re welcome. It’s a very disheartening thing. Sometimes I think the seasonal effective disorder or SAD which normally peaks during darkest months of year – can play a part in this.
        Might try natural light therapy where you use a special lamp during dark for reading, computing, etc. at nighttime. I’ve seen people close to me get some results with this. They weren’t doing cartwheels down the road but did feel better than they had felt. I say a prayer for you.

  1. Baby steps are great. But that very thing you just don’t want to talk about, that you might not even remember is probably keeping your precious heart / soul in bondage. I will request on your behalf that light take precedence over that which at the moment wishes and does have control. I have a phone and a good ear and if you ever need to talk, I am here. Sheri

  2. I was told when i was little that depression ran in my family. It was something we spoke little about. The fact the depression was the leading cause in my uncles death was also a taboo subject but alas i must say that through my life of ups and downs i tried to rely on, not only myself but the company i have kept. The people in my life are my drug. I am and always will be a firm believer of the self, the love that we express to ourselves is what matters, Just remember that you love you and you care about you and hopefully that helps shine light in darkened areas.

  3. Nice piece. I am glad you are writing about this because you have a style that is very readable and I think just about anyone who reads this and can relate will not feel threatened or pandered to. I wish you didn’t feel the sadness you feel, but I understand that people do. My sponsor would say to me, and it was easy for me to understand, “how can you have any self esteem, if you don’t do esteem-able things?” It was easy for me to hear, because I don’t have any self esteem, but that is not normal. I had to let go of any attachment I may have had about how I feel about myself because it was a stress inducing activity, but most people can and do have self esteem and they use it to navigate through life. My way around it, and the way I can “invest” in myself, or put stock into the self esteem “bank” is to act as if other people love me. That’s what I do, but I don’t have physical pain, like the aches and pains that often present themselves in people with depression, which can further isolate depressives from the people around them. Isolation, even in rooms full of people that love you, seems to be the key ingredient in depression, and that would be the thing that I would focus my efforts on. So your blog may be a huge part of keeping connected. Love Ya.

  4. I’m very sorry you’re dealing with this now.
    The strategies we use sometimes don’t work – and it’s hard after many years to find yourself in it again.
    Baby steps are always good. – I guess because they’re steps.
    Be well.

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