Madness

SO, as we all know (we being everyone in the world) that like the INTERNET, EVERYTHING on the TELEVISION is true because it HAS to be (yes, natural blonde). Shit, I focused so hard on wording that correctly, I forgot my point! I hate that!! Well, it’ll…ha! I remember!
I keep hearing this phrase, or some paraphrase of this one- that definition of madness is repeating the same behavior or cycle over and over and over and still expecting to come to a different result…Hopefully I got that close enough that everyone knows what I’m off about at any rate…
 
Yup, my usual plague has struck again. I had something I’m certain was quite profound, but I got interrupted, and never got back to it. Now it is like, 2-3 days (weeks or months now, LOL! its 01/10/14) later, and I don’t remember what it was that I wanted to share. 
I’m having my usual difficult December blues. But I don’t want to talk about that right now either. I figured I would share the tale of my surgery and recovery as of to date… That’s actually kind of funny considering I actually need to do a slight back story first, lol.
Back in 2010, after almost 2 years of tests and x-rays; you fricken name it, among a few other things, we found out my spine was herniated (?) and severely compressed between the C4 and C5 vertebrae (?) of my cervical spine which is my neck. After 5 years of being stone walled and having medication cocktails to merely treat my variety of systems, I finally find a doctor that recognizes that there was definitely something wrong, and it was not just my imagination (hypochondriac episode as my pervious doctor had tried saying).
Long story short; after all the testing for the physical issues, it was discovered that I have:
High Blood Pressure (They found that on accident kind of. It’s sort of a funny little tale of its own)
Lots more that won’t get mentioned here, lol!!!
 
I’m such a fricken mess!! LMAO!! Today is 01/31/2014. You can see how well I am at being able complete…well, anything it seems these days…
My worst of all my demons, I have come to realize more so recently, is my apparent inability to see myself through anyone else’s view accept my own. And despite my blank spot memory, the things I do remember are sometimes quite difficult to forgive myself for. Obviously my “Mildly Severe Depression Disorder” is kicking my ass all around the compass, and I haven’t figured out how to stop the free-fall. Good times!! (And yes, I bolded that because the irony in the so-called diagnosis irks the crap out me)!
I had surgery on my neck (cervical spine involving C4-C7 vertebrae…at least I think I have that right, but I included pictures with x-rays to ensure folks knew what I was talking about. Apparently is was a rather ‘entailed set of procedures’ as my family doctor put it. Thank God I found the right place to go through this time around. In 2010 I had a Decompression/Fusion procedure done on the C5-C6 vertebrae. It was established that I have all this AWESOME crap going on with my spine that has led to nerve damage, memory loss, hypokalemia and other fun junk. My group of doctors are fairly certain that once they get all the…let’s call them ‘kinks’…all the kinks out of my spine, that much of the nerve damage might be repairable and not permanent. That would be quite nice. My neck seems to be healing nicely, and we are preparing to get the MRI on my lower lumbar so that we can find out what hoops the insurance company plans to try making me jump my crippled ass through before they approve that surgery which I have needed for over 2½-3 years now. More fun, giggidy!! :/
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There are more pics on FB, but I am having issues with my Kindle. I prefer to work on these on my ‘puter, but it’s busy right now, and it’s already taking me two days just to get this posted!!! I can add more later if necessary. 😉
I haven’t been able to write very well due to critical comments by others in my life whom are occasionally mentioned when I actually feel I have something worthy to share; or in the case of my poetry; I am an emotionally inspired poet. I am keenly over-sensitive to the pain of others as well as my own, so rather than dwell on the things in my life that I can’t seem to fix or change-when another suffering soul crosses my path, I truly believe part of my purpose in life is this weird ability to experience the nightmare along with the person telling their story. When I was younger, this was much easier. I figured out early enough that when my ‘imaginary friends’ never went away that I was a wee bit off. As I got older and continued to see things that no one else seemed privy to…let’s just say it made many things difficult. I didn’t really understand how rare we were, the way we would communicate and we did find a copacetic (so-to-speak) way of co-existing…Wow!! I think I got a bit off topic; sorry about that. Too many things on my small, tiny plate…I’m thinking now is a good time to end this. 
On the positive side, I am fighting tooth and claw and know that I will be successful in my continued recovery and the scary upcoming possibilities will go as my Father chooses them too. I hope I can continue make him proud as we face whatever comes next. On top of that, I know there are many a good folk out there praying for myself and my family, and I hope I can make them proud as well, and amend or atone for any unresolved issues. 
I’ve missed many of the friends I’ve made on here, and I hope I will be able to…Touch you with words worthy of posting soon (poetry). God Bless to you all. 🙂
Peace, love and blessings
 
♥ ♥ ♥ ~ Kyla ~ ♥ ♥ ♥
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4 responses to “Madness

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