Can We Get A Recall?!?

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   It’s Monday, July 28th; Logan only had to get through four fricken days of summer school and the rest of the summer was his (or so it was stated. I do have to be honest that I have reservations regarding that claim myself, so I can’t blame Logan for not believing it) to enjoy without hassle. Not even four full days; just from 8:00am – 12:00pm, then the bus ride home. His bus doesn’t even pick him up until 7:37am, right out front of our house. Lucas, his 8 year old little brother has to leave the house by 6:52am in order to run up the street to where our mailboxes are in order to catch his bus by 7:04am and he does!! When the actual ‘child’ shows more maturity and responsibility than the 18 year old self-proclaimed ‘Man-child’, something is seriously fracked up!! It’s time for the man-child to pull his darn head out of his ass, clean all the shit out of it and grow the frack up!! (Ha ha ha!!! That’ll teach you to bitch about one and praise the other in a negative comparative way, won’t it?!! Karma!! You just pulled a-) Yeah, yeah!! I know, I get it! Shut up now!! (noon-ish)

I need to find a better way to time-stamp these things(you need to-) you need to shut the hell up and let me get my thoughts written! (Why? So you can find another ‘so-called-rational’ way to explain how everything wrong in your “loving family” is all your fault and no one else should need to bother with owning up to the mistakes they might have made? When are you going to stop letting yourself be manipulated and played for a fool?) Maybe when you and Renie and any others that enjoy interfering STOP interfering!! (How’s your hand?) It hurts, stop talking now, you’re making me forget what I was planning to write about. Oh yeah, Dip Twit Logan and his mind blowing, brilliant decision making skills…(Hey, your sarcasm is dripping on the keyboard chickadee. Not cool). Logan is 18 and should have graduated class of 2014, but instead he has to repeat his senior year for a variety of reasons; the biggest being a lack of attendance which he blames on various ‘medical/mental’ health reasons. Doorknob absolutely refuses to allow any blood work, but can’t understand why all of us “Authority Figures” in his life question the validity of his claims. So, not only is that my fault in his eyes due to DNA and hereditary “bad gene pool”, but my trials with my own physical and mental health have apparently – well, I don’t really know. I guess I somehow brain-washed him into believing he has already, as a teen, inherited all of my illnesses-not just mental but physical as well. I’ve been told I have some funky hypnotic way with people, but I never imagined it could work in such a way as that! Especially without any actual effort on my part. I guess this time it’s me who doesn’t know my own strength, huh? (Your sarcasm is getting annoying…) Giggidy!!

(08/02/2014) And to think I had actually convinced myself that this one wasn’t going to be one of those that had weeks pass before I got back to it…(forgot you were delusional again?). Obviously…Squirrel!! 

(08/04/2014) If you ever check out the comments, you might find the explanation behind that crazy Squirrel!! That keeps running across my pages. My sister Shawna has to explain it though; she set him loose…;D We watch and critique a great many of things and my goodness but she makes me laugh; that’s my only hint.

(08/05/2014) As the squirrels of brain-cramped show writers continue to test Shawna’s tight-rope walking skills taunting her with her sanity as a prize (she knows she lost that a long time ago! We can’t retrieve sanity!); it’s called venting with humoristic sarcasm you twit! Crap. Lost my train of thought now…it’s a pretty shade of indigo blue floating across my room as it dissipates. Sometimes I really enjoy the askew way my brain tends to perceive and interpret things. Even on my absolute worst-oh yeah! Just leave the fricken motor bike in the middle of the road!! Nice!! Movies teach careless behavior!! Oh, sorry…absolute worst days, I can find something to laugh at. Ooh, Doctor Who is on now, giggidy!! 😀 I’m a total Whovian, so are Logan and Lucas. Clint Likes the 10th Doctor, but the 11th Doctor annoyed him and never really won him over. Perhaps the 12th will catch his fancy-in a non-homophobic sort of way…gotta include shit like that on account of some people taking words the wrong way and act all dumbass-like because they hate themselves or their life or something and feel the need to focus all that confused anger and rage at something that they don’t understand or that makes them feel uncomfortable and then blame their actions on God. Wow, tangent? Good thing I’ve never hidden the fact that I’m crazy and have issues; I think that might have been a dead give-away, tee he he! 🙂 (Did you snap?) Nope. Well, maybe…but that was years ago. This is something different, something ~ new? But its bedtime, so this will have to be continued…by choice for the first time that I can recall.

(08/11/2014) Wow. …I just read my last entry to get an idea of where I was at with what this post is supposed to be about…Shit, double wow, irony! Never mind the recall, I’m definitely not playing for the sane team anymore. But we already knew that, I have embraced my mental illnesses and am in therapy for the issues that require it and all that awesome responsible shit that a…”I” is calling me right now. Seriously, caller ID just says “I” with a number. Weird…that a good, loving Child of God, mother, wife, daughter, sister and friend would do to get healthy after a mental breakdown that nearly destroys everyone. However, I am not the only fricken lunatic in this house. So I guess it’s not a recall, but the correct word is evading me right now. Eluding? Either way, I can’t fricken think of it.

Weird thing, Clint saw the title of this and immediately assumes it’s about our life. “What’s that? You want a recall on the last 17 years?” And I didn’t get it at first ~ screwed up naïve thing in my brain (Brain damage!!) ~ Yeah, no shit! The screen was up on my computer, but the page had been minimized I think, until my foot bumped the mouse. But I might be mistaken because my memory likes to play tricks on me. It’s ever so much fun, truly…NOT!!!! Anyway, I told him no, it was actually in regards to the mental evaluations, considering I apparently have to go through a new one and Logan ~ who actually wants one now that he has been off his meds for over a month (ooh, that sounds fun and dangerous!! Giggidy?) F#!K you!! ~ apparently doesn’t need one because his psychiatrist who sees him every 2-3 months for the past 4-5 years is quite certain of his diagnosis being one of a few he has in mind; but didn’t feel it was necessary to share with myself or his Social Service Mental Health Caseworker…yay.

Logan…I love my son, so fricken much it literally hurts! Laziest, manipulative, hypocritical, ignorant, egotistical, beautiful, vain, insecure, protective, lost little sweet pea. Is this precious miracle our Heavenly Father gave me at a time in my life that is riddled with mixed up memories, not all of them accurate? I could no longer deny that…I was off, and still seeing my childhood imaginary friends that grew up with me might not be a good thing (Hey! I’m pretty sure I resent that!!). Good. Go away, please. Logan is delusional in all the worst ways, and reality is going to kick his ass something terrible. But I don’t think he’s going to learn anything any other way. He needs his ass kicked by some serious reality. So I told him to feel free to move out now, go live with one of these friends whose parents have already told him he could live and freeload off of them while he lays around and does absolutely nothing but expects them to buy him cigarettes and feed him and take care of him and crap. He’s still here.

Hmm, I have once again managed to upset my spouse. I wonder what I did this time. I suppose he might just be annoyed at Logan per usual so that puts me in the dog house too sometimes. You know, on account of everything in the whole fucking world somehow being my fault since any and all universes revolve around me! (Sassy!! Where’d you come from, and who exactly are you? You’re not the little mouse we’re used to. Are you Kyla?) Yup, the one and only ~ with a wee bit of an upgrade. There are people in my life, and this is majorly difficult for me to admit…because I had to accept the truth of it first, which sucked piss balls!! But these are people who are supposed to love me unconditionally; the ones I am supposed to be able to always count on, no matter what. I honestly thought I had that, until reality kicked me in the teeth and showed me the truth. I’m finally remembering all the horrors that one of my alternate personalities tried to protect me from. So yay I guess, lots of answers to some old questions I had already moved passed I thought. But it’s late and definitely passed my proclaimed bedtime, so I will allow this to be the end of this post.

Peace, Love and Blessings to all

 ♥ ~ Kyla ~ ♥

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2 responses to “Can We Get A Recall?!?

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